In my last post I said that if you are unhappy it is your fault. That sounds kind of cold doesn’t it? It leaves no room for blaming anyone else. It doesn’t point anywhere except back at you. It means that no matter what the people around you are saying or doing, it is you who is being happy or unhappy about it.
Unhappiness comes when we think that things have to be a certain way and they are not. It comes when people are supposed to react a certain way or know certain things about us and they don’t. Or at least it seems to us that they don’t. Unhappiness is a story, and it goes like this. I can’t be happy because this or that did or didn’t happen, or he or she or they didn’t treat me the way they know I want to be treated.
Here’s the thing. It is not your husband or wife or friends or co-workers or financial status or anything else that makes you unhappy. It is your insistence that happiness is beyond your control that makes you unhappy. All you have to do is
- Allow people and things to be as they are
- Stop arguing with what is by saying it shouldn’t be like this
- Question your first reactions
- Choose to be grateful for what you have
- Stop being angry and frustrated over what you don’t have
- Commit to look for the bright side in everything
- Stop waiting for someone to come along and complete you
Everyone wants to be happy. They think that if things would work out the way they want them to and if people would act the way they want them to, then they could be happy. If I just had more money. If my kids would behave. If my spouse would just work a little harder at fulfilling my needs. Whatever it is, that people think it takes to reach happiness, it usually involves someone or something else needing to be a certain way.
You are in control. I know it may not seem like you are in control, but you are when it comes to happiness. If you think that anyone or anything is preventing you from being happy, you will never find happiness. That’s because you haven’t realized that happiness is a choice you are making every hour of every day. Happiness looks to no one for approval and it can’t be provided to you by anyone. Not even the people who love you most.
You decide in every instance how you are going to react and how you are going to feel about everything that occurs in your life. You are the one processing everything that happens to you through your own set of imperfect filters. You are the one attaching importance, or not, to the things that people around you say and do. If you think it’s your wife’s fault that you are in a bad mood today, think again. You are the one who let what she said make you mad. You are the one who decided you were wronged or misunderstood. No one else can do any of that for you. It is all in your head and nobody but you is in there. It is a hard thing for many people to accept, but it is the absolute truth.
Nobody is responsible for your happiness but you. If you are unhappy it is your fault!
More on how to fix that next time…
Hi everyone. Welcome to my website called KevWeb.
Question. How do you navigate this ever changing web we call existence in a way that develops and improves you as a person, and adds value and happiness to your life?
Check back soon for the first in a series of thought provoking conversations…